You are self-aware. You do not believe in conspicuous consumption but in conscientious consumerism. You are ageless, sexless and demographically anonymous. You are a psychographic anomaly. You are not defined by the media. You do not bow to blind obedience. You are not a lemming. You are not a sheep. You are a sheepdog. You are not another cog in the machine. You are the switch. You do not live your life in a queue. You do not need to set any world records. You are driven by moderation. You do not own three mobile phones. You do not spit, litter-kill, drive drunk nor smoke in bars. You do not believe that a man‘s ability is directly proportional to the lightness of his skin. You do not confuse news from propaganda. You do not utter ‘umm‘ in place of ‘yes‘. You commiserate with angry taxi drivers quietly. You are no longer colonised. You are neo-colonised. You are a by-product of self-discrimination. You miss singha, the courtesy lion. You do not understand streetwear and their oft vapid designs. You do not own a giordano ‘me‘ t-shirt. You do not covet your neighbour‘s car. You covet his blissful ignorance. You do not wear a tie with a short sleeved shirt. You do not lie to your security guard. You do not have more than one favourite bars. You crave credible journalism. You do not abuse your maid. You are not abused by your maid. You are not defined by your education. You do not discriminate. You do not hate. You retaliate. You do not value wine by its price. You do not spend more than you make. You need to make more. You do not want publicity but crave fame. You value local artists like endangered species. You groove to local bands. You do not compromise your values for public opinion. You do not waffle. You do not tolerate sexism. You do not tolerate racism. You do not tolerate homophobia. You do not play football in a thunderstorm. You do not reverse bungee. You do not care if your local hawker has a ‘D‘ health rating. You do not drink Starbucks. You do not say ‘very unique‘. You defy classification. You are part of the anti-elitist elite. You do not take trips to developing countries only to complain about their backward facilities. You do not understand why there are so many western models advertising local brands to local consumers. You do not reason with nature. You do not fake orgasms. You recycle parking coupons. You do not ‘chope‘ seating in crowded restaurants by hovering over the seated patrons. You do not wear ‘Singapore is a FINE city‘ t-shirts and expect nods of amused solidarity from strangers. You do not want to be censored. You are censored. You transcend the lifestyle du jour. You are Asia beautiful. You are Local proud. You are an anachronism. You just know. You are localbrand.